Tetiba nak emo, boleh?

...And here you will read my deepest thoughts.

People can be jerks, sometimes. 

Tau. Tapi trying to ignore. Then failed. Tuh yang tetiba emo. 

Asal tak update kat fb and lagi banyak tweet? Senang je nak jawab. 

Sebab memang tak tau nak update apa. 

And. Because there are just too many people on fb.

Nak update things like: I'm tired. 

Seriously? On fb? 

You got what I mean, kan?

Orang maybe don't even care, tapi. Ntah. Tak selesa. That's why. 

Nak screen friends then delete yang mana tak berkenaan pun, dah macam malas. 

So, biar je la. Berguna jugak fb tuh sebagai 1 medium. In a way.

Twitter pn, I think I might do the same here. 

Kalau dah tetiba too many people. 

Kalau tak pn, maybe buat tweet tuh private ke tapi tu la. 

Some friends whom are really close tapi we can't follow each other? haha. Camtu ek. I don't know how to put this but it's complicated. 

Then all those benda2 islamik post dalam fb, aku just rasa bersalah kalau tak share lepas baca, that's all. 

Bukan nak berlakon baik ke apa sebab dalam fb penuh post2 islamik then kat twitter dok emo. 

Posting Islamic thingy bukan bermaksud I'm that alim, guys. 

Saya masih bertatih dan belajar berjalan. 

Masih mencuba to practice what I preach.

Masih mencuba untuk faham maksud terjemahan the Love Letters a.k.a the Holy Quran.

Masih mencuba untuk jadi..baik?

Bukan apa, you have no idea about the Real me.

Give me some spaces, I don't even invade yours. 

Final Year

Dengan nama Allah yang maha pemurah lagi maha penyayang.

...and here you will read my deepest thoughts.


Dah dekat 2 bulan sem baru bermula, means dah dekat 2 bulan la bergelar final year student. Oh no! Dah tahun akhir rupanya. Bunyi macam best kan sebab dah tak lama nak grad. InsyaAllah. Tapi ye la. Everything tak datang bergolek. Nak grad tu, macam2 halangan nak kena tempuh, termasukla cabaran menyiapkan FYP a.k.a PITA. Final Year Project atau dalam Bahasa Melayu nya Projek Ilmiah Tahun Akhir. Bunyi pun macam "Woah~~", kan? Uh oh. Indah khabar dari rupa, ok. Buka senang tapi ye la. Nak tak nak, kena buat jugak. Syarat wajib untuk grad kot.....

Alhamdulillah, dapat supervisor yang superb and I like her a lot. I thought I would be doing some biochemistry tapi...tak. Buat, tapi just the basics la. Basic2 pun, pening jugak nak buat research proposal dan seangkatan dengannya. Methodology nagn literature review la yang paling tak leh blah. Final year oh final year. Tahun lepas dah saksikan sendiri macam mana seniors berubah menjadi zombi and emo. Takut.....tetiba je nak sentap dengan sume orang sebab stress. Aku la tuh. Bakal..? Oh no~ Tak nak...... Nauzubillah..

Apa yang aku merapu skarang, aku pn tak tahu. Enough said.

Syawal

Dengan nama Allah yang maha pemurah lagi maha penyayang.

...And here you will read my deepest thoughts.

♫ Berlalulah sudah ramadan sebulan berpuasa
tiba syawal kita rayakan dengan rasa gembira
anak muda di rantauan semuanya pulang ke desa
ibu dan ayah keriangan bersyukur tak terkira..♫

Alhamdulillah. Selamat sudah sebulan berpuasa.
Hari nih dah masuk 17 Syawal 1433H. Tinggal beberapa hari je lagi Syawal nak habis, plus minus 2 minggu je. Ramadhan tahun nih, sunyi sket. Ye la. Hampir sebulan berpuasa kat unknown place walaupun been brought up there a few years masa kecik, it was still, a lil bit foreign. Ye la. Technically I lived there smpai 10 tahun, tapi, being away lagi lama. Ade la some place yang giler dah berubah but some places still remain the same. Excited sebab it was my hometown, I could speak my own dialect with locals, so a happy sebulan! Sesungguhnya ada la a bit weird sebab I used to only talked in my own dialect dengan famili dan kekawan yang know the dialect and here, I was surrounding by people who talked the same dialect~~!! Weird+happy. Mencabar gak sebulan tuh. Sebab bidang baru. I never into management and the whole time I was there, we did management. It wasn't supposed to be like that tapi, hmm.dah tuh nak buat macam mana, wrong timing. Haaa. Tak taula nak cakap ape time presentation nanti bila everyone else talk about their internships full with many fun activities. Goreng+rebus je la, pa per yang patut, kann. . Walaupun sunyi, Ramadhan lepas banyak mengajar aku many new things. I've done things yang tak pernah aku buat sebelum nih. *senyum.
Ramadhan tahun depan, tak tau la sempat sampai ke tak.

.الَلهمَ بلَغنا رمضان

(doa yang diulang oleh Rasulullah S.A.W menjelang Ramadhan)

Syawal tahun nih pun memberikan seribu satu makna. Aku berjaya buat something jugak. Thing that was hard for me to do as well. Dah cuba sejak beberapa tahun lepas but never had the courage untuk start. Walaupun akward at first tapi alhamdulillah, I wasn't alone. Walaupun aku maybe berseorangan tapi aku rasa, aku still akan teruskan, but a little bit tougher la for me. I'm glad He sent me someone else :). Kinda gives me the courage on keep doing it.

Ramadhan and Syawal bermakna buat aku tahun nih, 1433H :)

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

p/s: Sorry to still keep you in the dark. That much was how much I can manage to spill. Thanks for understanding.

One of the hardest thing to do.

Dengan nama Allah yang maha pemurah lagi maha penyayang.

...And here you will read my deepest thoughts.

Milo. Nescafe. McDonalds. Sebut those three things mesti korang dah tau what am I gonna say, kan?

Terlintas pasal nih sebab time iftar, fikir la nak buat air ape. Ye la. Kalo beli air, RM2x29=RM58. Huhu. Dah dekat RM60 kot, air je. So, the best thing to do, bncuh sendiri sebab kat hostel tuh ade water cooler. Water cooler tuh plak memang pihak asrama akan tukar filter every week so, memang confident nak guna.

Time nak beli kordial or 3 in 1, fikir plak what should I buy. Jalan2 kat bahagian minuman segera etc, felt like drinking hot choc drinks. Hmm. Then, there was it. One of my favourite drink of all time. Used to be though. Milo. Asal used to be? Sebab product Nestle. Asal plak dengan product Nestle? 

Hmm...well, actually there are many products that I boycott, for the sake of my brothers and sisters in Palestine. That was seriously one of the hardest thing to do. Sebab I've been drinking Milo, like almost my entire life. And Nescafe and McD pun although I wasn't a Nescafe or McD addict. Used to enjoyed eating those la. The first thing I did after I knew, walaupun this boycott thing has been around like, dah lama, tapi still tak settle, was to stop taking those. It was kinda hard when makan dengan kawan and they all ended up ordering Milo.Gitu gak time orang order McD. Time mula2 dulu la. Telan la jugak air liur tuh. Trying not to look and find the courage not to end up ordering as well. Thinking about those Palestenians yang might be harmed because of one gulp of that drink might cost one bullet. I really don't have any hatred to Jews, Christians or other religions in particular, no offense people (I have many non-Muslims friends from all over the world) tapi those incidents happened in Palestine, really made my heart sank.

I was caught in the middle of a situation when my co-worker wanted to treat everybody in the office.Sebelum tuh the same person treating us out for lunch but I couldn't go so if nak tolak, macam pelik je kan, and dorg order McD. Berfikir sejenak aku nak bagi alasan. I ended up eating Bubur McD! My fault sebab didn't state the obvious. but yeah. I failed. 

Some people might say, "Ko tak makan kat McD ke, ko boikot ke, tak habis2 jugak pergolakan kat sana,". Tu sebab everyone thinks like that. Tak ingat ke iklan Light Off 60 minutes tuh? Its slogan, lebih kurang macam, "I'm only one person,". Tapi kalau setiap individu rasa bertanggungjawab, tak mustahil, kan? The same thing goes to things yang menghina Allah, Nabi Muhammad S.A.W. My friend asked, "If the prophet Muhammad pbuh asks us one day, what did you do when people are insulting me, what will you answer? What have you done to help stopping that kinda wrong acts?". So, tepuk dada, tanya iman (?).

At least, I've done my part. *senyum

For more info on boycott things, please visit here

Anak abah

Dengan nama Allah, yang maha pemurah lagi maha penyayang.

...And here you will read my deepest thoughts.

Anak abah? What's with the title? Hmm, just wanna tell the world that I'm forever my abah's little girl :) Little ke? I miss abah so much. It wasn't that I didn't miss mama, I miss her so much too, but it's just that I haven't talked to abah quite some time. A week, maybe? lol. Manja~! Mama yang the one who always called. She'll tell everything kat abah, so yeah, I think abah's fine with that, as long as he knows I'm alright.

I remember talking to a friend, "When I grow up, I want to marry my dad,".

Didn't everyone used to say that?

Haha. I don't think I'll ever find someone like him..

My abah is one in a million, nah..one in the universe, to be precise. Just like my mama. 

Salah ke kalo nak cari a husband-to-be characteristics macam abah? Maybe kalo sebijik macam abah tuh memang tak la kan. At least a little bit.But honestly, I don't think I'll find one.. My Abah kan one in the universe. 

Air muka abah, slalu nmpak macam garang je. I admit, he's kinda strict, still is but since kitorang dah semakin besar, the strictness tuh dah kurang. Tapi still house rule is one thing that you could never disobey.  Hmm..there was this day that I came home for a break. Biase la kan, bile hencik lappy ade, confirm dok mengadap bende tuh je. Aku la. Orang lain maybe tak..kot.. Nak dijadikan cerita, ntah macam mane ntah, I forgot to set the alarm clock and slept. Subuh lambat dari normal time. Ape lagi, bising la abah. That time after I prayed, abah cakap, "Malam nih, laptop tuh pukul 11 letak kat luar,".

I was like, "What?! Seriously?". Tapi tak de la cakap macam tuh kat abah. Dalam hati je yang memberontak. Technically, I didn't think he expected me to do that but I did. Proud of myself too^^. Susah jugak nak berenggang tapi, just like I said, rule is still a rule.

Strict tak abah saya?

That was one thing. Abah is actually very nice, funny, kind, loving and supportive too. He never really showed that but we did see it.

He was this kind of person:

When I was in a boarding school, I called him asking if abah could do me a favour by bringing me a birthday cake, to make a surprise party to a friend. My school was actually just about 10 minutes away from home. hehe. He didn't really said yes or no but "tengoklah, kalo abah sempat," and hung up the phone. It wasn't just for that particular occasions. There were a lot of many other things like that including buying capacitors for the girls's night, and etc. Trust me, if I wait for him to come, he never disappointed me. He would be there. 

I remember when I had night classes or I took any tuition, he was already there when I came out of class.

He does this still, to my younger brother and sister. Their classes end like at 10.15 p.m and it would only take like 10 minutes untuk smpai ke tmpat tuisyen tuh, but at 9.45p.m, abah dah ready dengan kunci kereta. That's my abah.

He was always there for me, for us :)

There were times on the road, mostly on the way nak balik kampung, we saw like mak cik or pak cik did things macam kait something from pokok yang kami, adik beradik tak tau nama, jual things tepi jalan, we always wondered and usually among ourselves, and sometimes we asked out aloud, "Abah, pak cik tu jual apa?", "Abah, mak cik tuh cari apa?", "Abah, kedai tuh jual apa", "Abah...". Kids and questions...

Try to guess what his answers would be.

He would either reply, "I wasn't the owner of the shop," or slowed down the car, bawak kete rapat je dengan that particular mak cik or pak cik and said, "Should we stop and ask them?"

Dang! I miss him and mama so much.

*why this onion......

"My Lord! Forgive me, and my parents, 

and bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young."

Anak abah,

Salam Ramadhan

Dengan nama Allah yang maha pemurah lagi maha penyayang.

...And here you will read my deepest thoughts.

Hari nih, dah 4 Ramadhan 1433H. I think it's still not too late to wish:

Salam Ramadhan buat seluruh umat Islam di dunia.

Mesti best kan kalo kite dapat something yang bukan sume orang dapat, kan? Camtuh la gak pintu ar-Rayyan nih. Pintu ar-Rayyan nih adalah satu pintu syurga khas untuk orang yang berpuasa. Bukan setakat berpuasa tapi, puasa yang bersungguh-sungguh. Tinggal segala larangan yang perlu ditinggalkan, tingkatkan ibadah dan segala macam yang usaha yang bersungguh-sungguh la bagi mengimarahkan bulan Ramadhan ni. Bukan stakat gi terawih lima hari first je. *Remind kat diri sdiri gak.

So, ape lagi kn? Mehla kite sama2 berpuasa bersungguh-sungguh, berlumba-lumba buat amal ibadat supaya,  insyaAllah, kita terpilih sebagai salah seorang yang masuk melalui ar-Rayyan. 

Hmm..Then, amalan2 yang kita lakukan sepanjang bulan Ramadhan nih, harap-harap la kan bleh dibawa ke bulan-bulan seterusnya. Kalo dulu cam susah je nak bangun malam, bulan puasa nih, rajin sangat2 bangun malam, harap-harap diteruskan la :). Istiqamah beb. Tu penting gak~ So yeah..time's running really fast dear brothers and sisters. Let's use and optimize the time in this Ramadhan, to reap the benefits from it. We never know if we could make it to the next Ramadhan. *senyum

Selamat menyambut Ramadhan al-Mubarak.

Rindu

Dengan nama Allah yang maha pemurah lagi maha penyayang.


...And here you will read my deepest thoughts.


Sungguh aku rindu kat kawan-kawan seperjuangan. Aku pun tak tau nape. Semenjak dua menjak nih. 
Tetibe jer ter-flashback balik all those memories. Time kat surau, time perang besar a.k.a rollcall, time gi dewan makan, time hari Jumaat, mintak mak cik kat dewan makan isi nasi himpit dalam bekas sebab malas tak sempat nak gi makan (ade room inspection kot stiap ari Jumaat), time tengok cite kat bilik TV ramai2, time outing ramai2, time mengarut ramai2, time lepak2, time kene marah kat warden asrama, time jadi junior, kne marah dek senior, and all those fancy(?) memories yang ktorang tempuhi. Seyes rindu korang, especially the Bolognese. Those precious people. Hebat oh nme grup. Haha. Anyways. This only reminds me of one thing. Doa Rabitah (sebab ade notes yang tulis: bayangkan rakan2 anda)^^

YA ALLAH,

Engkau mengetahui hati-hati ini,

Telah berkumpul kerana mengasihi-Mu,

Bertemu untuk mematuhi perintah-Mu,

Bersatu memikul beban dakwah-Mu,

Hati-hati ini telah mengikat janji setia untuk mendaulat dan menyokong syariat-Mu,

Maka eratkanlah Ya Allah akan ikatannya,

Maka eratkanlah Ya Allah akan ikatannya,

Maka eratkanlah Ya Allah akan ikatannya,

Kekalkanlah kemesraan antara hati-hati ini,

Akan jalan-Nya yang sebenar,

Penuhkanlah hati ini dengan cahaya Rabbani-Mu,

Yang tidak kunjung malap,

Lapangkanlah hati-hati ini dengan limpahan Iman dan keyakinan,

Dan keindahan tawakkal kepada-Mu,

Hidup suburkanlah hati-hati ini dengan ma'rifat (pengetahuan sebenar) tentang-Mu,

Jika Engkau mentakdirkan mati,

Maka matikanlah pemilik hati-hati ini,

Sebagai para syuhada dalam perjuangan agama-Mu,

Engkaulah sebaik-baik sandaran dan sebaik-baik penolong,

YA ALLAH,

Perkenankanlah permintaan ini.

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